Arcade Fire Is Shit

We have put up for too long with Arcade Fire. Arcade Fire has become shit. There’s one thing worse than bands that are shit and that’s bands that have become shit, bands that started out as a pretentious but nice piece of quasi-authentic fast food but have slowly descended through the ‘detoxed’ intestines and guts of a juice-drinking hipster (who thinks with a kitsch superiority that his guts are cleaner than ours, can’t recognise that shit’s shit always) until they came out as brown foul shit. Though to be fair, even before that they were shifty indecisive insecure sorry Canadians who couldn’t even decide about the ‘The’ in front of their band name. The Arcade Fire? The Arcade Shit. The Shit Fire. The Shit. (But not in a good way, like, “Man, this is the shit”. More like “Dude, this is shit”). Arcade Fire now represent everything that’s wrong with hipsters: the arrogant elitism of looking down on everything that’s pure and good, either that or appriopriating it in a dishonest gesture of ‘interesting’ benelovence, which in fact only shows how much they wallow in self-pity, and often both at the same time, promoting a hypocritical faux-edginess; the insidious sexism; the beards (Will Butler doesn’t have a beard. But he probably can’t grow one). Arcade Fire is shit. If Arcade Fire is shit, then Everything Now is shit’s shit, the worst of the worst of the worst, the waste product of landfill, the parts of plastic they’re unable to recycle, the weeds of a materialistic capitalism that don’t go away, that if you flush ’em down the toilet they’ll end up in your drinking water. Talking about capitalism: PITCHFORK. 5.6, seriously? YOU CREATED THIS SHIT! That’s like, the American government giving a 5.6 to the Iraq War. Like Shell slamming global warming, or McDonalds panning obesity. Like looking at your own shit and thinking, Well, that’s shitty, and then thinking you’ve thought something profound and meaningful. Arcade Fire is shit. I don’t even feel sad for the fact that they’ve pretentiously written a pre-emptive negative review of their own album which turns out to be more positive than anything everyone else has written. They fail even at failing, then. In fact, I laugh every time I think of it. How misguided, deluded and gullible can you be? Funniest thing that has happened in ages. Almost redeems the insult to music their album is.

Almost.

But an insult to music is the worst kind there is and I’ll never forgive Arcade Fire. Arcade Fire is shit.


This is the only vaguely decent track on the album, though the lyrics are terrible and it goes on for four minutes too long,

-- Caspar Jacobs, August 1, 2017